Thursday

A Wife Of A Jobless Husband Shares Her Story of Waiting

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A Wife Of A Jobless Husband Shares Her Story of Waiting…

I’m taking a break from my teaching series on “Getting Rid of Hidden Addictions.” (I’ll give the next article next week.) Let me pause to take a breather and share with you a beautiful story.


I met Yane Pe Benito when I gave a talk at her company, Pioneer Insurance. Yane is a lovely woman with such an amazing story to tell, I decided to share it to the world.

Two years ago, Yane’s husband, Beni, without warning, lost his job. It was doubly painful because it was a great job. For 6 years, Beni enjoyed working in a multinational distribution company for skincare products. But because of a reorganization that happened in the company (which is happening in many companies nowadays), he was “redundated”.

Yane decided to tell her two small children, Gabriel (then age 6), and Marga (then age 4) about the sad news, carefully choosing the words she’d use to put it to them. “Kids, we have to take better care of our things… and not waste our money because …Daddy doesn’t have a job anymore.”

Little Gabriel said, “You mean Daddy was fired?” Yane was surprised at the bluntness of his words. “Now where did you learn that word?!” Her son said matter-of-factly, “From Peter Parker - Spiderman.”

But yes, redundated was just a fancy word for “Get out, we don’t need you here anymore.” Losing a job is always painful, even if it goes with a “separation pay” or a “redundancy package”. While Yane was thankful for the windfall, part of her was anxious, wondering how long their family was going to have to live off the separation package.

The first few months were OK; Beni got an average of two invitations per week to come for interview. But as the months stretched to a year — and then more, the invitations got fewer and far between.

During the almost two years of her husband’s joblessness, Yane was going through her own anxiety. As a mother to two growing schoolchildren, she saw their savings getting smaller. (As a contingency measure, she moved out of her 8-yr old job to accept a higher-paying one.)
But aside from the dwindling funds, she was also worried about Beni’s self-esteem. It wasn’t that he wasn’t trying; it was apparent thatthere just weren’t enough job opportunities for middle-aged men with his background and experience. There were actually two jobs that he accepted, but both were short-lived. Call it a conflict of personalities or a clash of styles, but he couldn’t see himself working there long-term. Anguished, Beni would walk out the door again.

And their marriage started to suffer too, since she was the one who was now earning for the family. “Will my husband’s ego take this for long?” she asked herself many, many times. As each month passed, she was getting more and more worried for Beni.
Yane began questioning God, “Lord, I don’t understand what else you’re trying to teach us! How else should we pray? What else should we pray for?”

That was when Yane realized that their prayer had to be more specific.
So she gathered her two kids around her and said, “Let’s pray for Daddy, that he would find a good job with a good boss – someone like his first boss in his former company.”

And so that became the family’s specific prayer. “Lord, please help Daddy get a boss that is as good and kind as his first boss in his old company, in Jesus name.”

One day, about a year ago from today, Yane came home from work and saw the kids and her husband in a huddle. “What’s all this about?” she asked.
She heard her kids whisper excitedly, “Show it to her now!”
Beni handed her a brown envelop.
Yane thought it was something from the kids’ school.
But no. As she slowly pulled out the paper from the envelope, she read the name of a company…then her husband’s job title… then his salary… At these, she merely nodded in satisfaction.
But when she got to the bottom of the paper, she was shocked. For there was a signature. It was that of Beni’s favourite boss!
To her kids’ astonishment, Yane began to cry and laugh at the same time. She could hardly believe it! Like a child, she jumped up and down with joy, much to the kids’ amusement who jumped and laughed along with her.

Gabriel asked his mother, “Mom, why are you crying and laughing at the same time?”
Yane saw a great opportunity to explain, “I’m crying because I’m so happy, son. Remember how you prayed for a good boss for Daddy? Look at this name,” she pointed to the paper she was holding. “We were merely asking for a boss that would be like Daddy’s old boss. But no, God gave your Daddy exactly the same boss! He answered our prayers!”
That was when Gabriel began to sob.
“Why are you crying?” Yane asked.
“Because I’m so happy too,” the little boy said, as the entire family embraced each other.

When Yane shared me this story, I knew I had to share it with you.
Because all of us go through many hardships and losses.
We lose our jobs, we lose our loved ones, we lose our money, we lose our friends… And sometimes, we wait and wait for the pain to go away, for the loss to be recovered. Sometimes, we wait for a long time. (Yane and Beni had to wait for two long years.)
But in the end, I believe that God has prepared the very best blessing for you.

Have faith. Trust. The best is yet to come!
I remain your friend,
Bo Sanchez

14 comments:

  1. Hi There,
    I'm in the same situation as Yane....its been 6 months now my husband lost his jobs.
    Frankly speaking I tried all my prayers but nothing seems to be working.
    And this is the third time we are facing this situation.
    I really doubt GOD has prepared anything for us.

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  2. Dear Sister,
    My prayers are with you, God will answer you when you least expect it, in the mean time just surrender it all to Him, pray without ceasing, may Lord Jesus lift you up and ease your pain and strengthen your heart. Sis, without doubt God loves you and your family a lot and He will deliver you out from this time of trouble, despite all the storm that raging in your life just try to focus on how mighty He is. Sis, we are living at the last generation and Christ will come soon. This global economic crisis that happening right now had been prophecied in bible all will lead toward the great tribulation (the great wrath of God) and His wrath is not meant for us (His children), this is the time when God will proof His own word that He is our redeemer and the God of our salvation. Sis, dont give and keep trusting God, coz you'll never know that the answer may come the next minute. May God bless you. Linda

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  3. I feel your pain "sis." As I too sit here after 6 months of being the soul provider for our family. My husband did not lose his job, rather we moved to a new city where I could finally begin my career. I got the new husband, the new house, the new job, but I guess I never prepared myself for the impact it would have on him. I pursued my dreams and have always supported my husband in following his. 6 months later we sit, sleep, and eat in separate rooms. He is too ashamed to be really be with me like we used to and I try to be supportive but in the back of my head I do think to myself, "just get it together and get any job." I find myself trying to find ways to be a good wife but I can't get the thought out of my head that he just isn't trying hard enough or that if I were him I would have taken care of business by now. I just ask God to give me the strength to be a kind and understanding person. Cuz Lord help me, I definitely find myself thinking terrible thoughts about the love of my life. Just wishing just once I'd like to go shopping again, or on a date, or even out for a drink but not now while I use every penny I earn to barely make ends meat. God please give me strength that is all I ask. I know his time will come but I hope it does before our relationship ceases to exist.

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    ReplyDelete
  5. My husband lost his job two years ago.He is middle aged and a very hard, dedicated employee. Between unemployment, savings and a few small storm jobs here and there (he is a lineman) we've managed to stay in our home of about 20 years.He is very discouraged and bitter, has withdrawn socially and is rude to others,our grown kids and me especially. I've prayed, have stuck by him with love, encouragement and patience. Besides my full time job, being a wife and mom, I am a care giver to my mother with Alzheimers and special needs brother. I don't know how much longer I can hold onto faith when it appears God has turned away from us.

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  6. My husband has been without a job for 2 years (in Nov.) and it has taken a toll on him, me, and our marriage. We were married for only 6 months, and only in our newly built home for 5 months, when he was laid off, so he's actually been without a job for the majority of our marriage. I've had various emotions during the 2 years, anger, resentment, shame...I'm sure he has had the same as well.
    He started acting different (he said it was because he felt I disrespected him), he became distant, started going on guy's trips, told me if he were cheating I wouldn't know about it. Soon after the antics (1.5 years of him being jobless) I told him to move out. He moved in with his parents and shortly told me he wanted a divorce. I proceeded to put the house on the market and waited to be served the divorce papers. I moved on as a separated, soon-to-be single woman, expecting a divorce. There were times when I tried to talk him out of being so rash, but all in all I wanted to be happy and wasn't going to beg someone to be with me or to see things clearly. At that point I felt I had been a good wife by sticking by him, nobody is perfect and marriage takes work, and if he didn't want to work on it then I was better off not being married to him.
    Four months pass of us being seperated, numerous house showings and a couple marital fights later he called me to work things out.
    I took him back because I thought this is what God wanted, I took a vow and I still had love for my husband. Did I think anything would change? No, but I knew it would'nt hurt to be consistant with my faith in us and us being married.
    So we moved back in the house, he's still jobless, I'm bitter because he left...so we are now at a worser state than before. Only God can tell whats in store for us. We are seeing a counselor and I feel things are getting better (we don't fight as long), but I still don't feel like I'm being heard by him.
    Before the separation, I paid for all of the bills and didn't complain/nag at him about getting a job or giving me his unemployment checks. When he separated I learned that I was enabling him to be unresponsible and him not being a provider, he could've been somewhat of a provider by giving his all, seeing that I had to forkup the majority. Now that we are back together he thinks its unfair to give me his unemployment check, and thinks it shouldn't be 50/50 since I earn more. This fight makes me feel like he really isn't sincere about making it work with me, and he's possibly using me until he gets a job and leaves.
    I feel a husband is suppose to support, provide, love and lead his wife. But the only things he has showed me is his depression from jobloss, his procrastination when it comes to following through on employment opportunities, lack of love (being distant, he shows more attention to the dogs and his phone then me), his dependancy on his parents, his need for respect, his helpfulness around the house and his sense of humor. (see not all bad or negative) But the core of our relationship is in jeopardy.

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  8. dear brothers and sisters in Christ, please pray for us too.

    my husband just left our house, about 15 minutes ago. he has been made jobless 6 years
    ago and in-between was for about a year employed in a job which was not what he was experienced in. he is a professional engineer in the power and gas industry. someimes i find that life is very unfair to people who are honest and hardworking. he is one of those and it's been extremely sad that this has happened to him. our very sweet and wonderful marital relationship has become extremely strained since he has lost his "self-worth" because he feels that he has not brought in an income.
    We have been praying about it for a long long time but we have yet to experience God blessing of a job for him.

    Previously, i used to tell him that i marry him not because he had a career. I realised that i am not so supportive anymore. we seem to be quarelling very often, we think that both of us have our fears and feeling frustrated with some kind of financial burden
    and also psychologically affected.

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  9. Dear Sister,
    I can feel your pain. Sometime when you think things can't get any worse, they do. I've learned that life is like hour glass sand. Sooner or later, everythin hits rock bottom, but all you have to do is be patient and wait for somethin to turn everythin back around.
    I will pray for you and your husband. We are living in a hard time but God's promises always stand true. I pray that God will deliver you out from this financial burden. And I pray he will give a new job for your husband. Please don't lose your faith because that is the only thing that devil try to steal from you. May the Lord strengthen you and replace all your fear with peace, like he said His power is made perfect in our weaknesses.

    with love in Christ,
    Linda

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  10. My husband and I were married June 2006. It was a second marriage for both of us. We began our blended family life (2 boys and 2 girls) with tremendous hope and determination. We were going to beat the odds. We were going to have a strong and happy marriage. Two months after the wedding, my husband learned that the company he worked for 22 years was relocating. He could move with the company several hundred miles away or take a severence package. With 4 teenagers and enough uprooting in their lives already, we took our chances and stayed put. He was out for a year before he landed a new job. That was a grueling year. We had horrible fights and almost ended the marriage multiple times. But we survived-barely. We began to rebuild. Then, out of nowhere, he was laid off after 1 1/2 years from the new job. He has been out almost a year with no propects in site.
    He has been out of work for the majority of our marriage. We have gone through so much and yet continue to remain together-some days stronger then others.
    Though I am constantly plagued with these negative thoughts like: what a loser, why am I still with this guy?, why isn't he more of a go-getter like me?, has God not sanctioned our marriage?, are we being punished for our divorces?, why is this happening?.
    I have remained prayerful. He says he is praying too. I try to remain positive and hold on to hope. Though at times, it all seems so hopeless. Its a fight to stay strong. Occasionally, I do feel bouyed by God's grace.

    I have in recent weeks become very listless and depressed. It has always been something I have struggled with from time to time in my life. I am out of the office sick today. Sick with my depressed state. I am trying to remain faithful to the lord and believe he will save us. But with my cheap employers and my many attempts to find better paying positions, 2 kids in college and a 3rd on the way, two aging dogs with growing vet bills, trying to sell our house (which lost many thousands of dollars in value amounting to our down payment)- I am stuck. Just plain stuck. I pray the lord will release us from this misery, pain and anxiety. This is pure hell.
    Lord, please hear me once again. Please send an army of angels to my husband's side and give him the fortitude he needs to gain wonderful employment appropriate to his many talents. Please make us whole again.

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  11. I feel so much about this article. My husband has been jobless for about 5 mos now. He was forced to leave his previous job abroad bec his employer was not giving him his salary on time.Also many factors came into play,like unfair treatment among employees, letting him work on his only day off,etc.He is a very prayerful man. On his way to work everyday, he used to pray the rosary while on the bus.He even encourages people to go to church, to pray a novena.He always do his best to pay respect to God for he believes in HIM so much. And I am so lucky to have him in my life for he loves me and our kids.There's nothing he can do to our family. But now, so many things have changed. And the big change is, he's mad at God in a huge way for being jobless. I run out of explanation and encouraging words for he would always tell me- "what have i done wrong?? I worked as hard as I could.And even sharing my blessings to other people. I endured the pain of being away from you & our kids to secure our family's future.and this is what i've got! For me, GOD is useless..It's not worthy to pray to HIM, such a waste of time"

    No one in the family can influence him to return in God's arm. He's depressed and his faith collapsed. I fervently hope that Yane's story will happen to us as well. I love my husband so much and i will support him all the way. I hope God will never get tired of loving my husband in spite of his harsh words against HIM. PLEASE PRAY FOR MY FAMILY--(iac)

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  12. i feel what you are feeling.my husband has been diagnosed as borderliner for the past 6 years.we knew each other for a year when we decided to get married. Most borderliner have difficulties to retain their job.since he moved to malaysia for the past 2 years (he is a European), he has been in and out of job.but he believed that it is easy for him to get a job due to his language skills.but one day,he was fired and now being jobless for 3 months he is always depress and picking a fight whenever i came back from work..i pray asking God to help him...so that he will send his angels to show him that life is not easy and it requires a lot of strength and patience.

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  13. Dear all,
    MYy husband has been jobless for about 5 year..i have a 3 year old son he is very cute but now we dont have enough money and our married life is suffering .he shout on me..threaten me to give divorce.i know he is in trouble ..i am also trying for job i was working but due to pregnancy i quit from the job...i am praying every time but no use ...please friends pray for us please i need your pray...

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  14. Sending prayer for you, may Lord Jesus strengthen you during this difficult moment, and may God unlock the door of financial blessing for your family and restore your broken relationship with your husband.

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